On the spiritual path

Us, humans, walk this world dragging our emotional baggage with us. It changes weight depending on the situation and sometimes it’s easy to completely forget about its existence. I chose to do a pilgrimage to get more insights into what it is and perhaps how to deal with it in the future. To complete this task, I knew that I had to walk alone, without music and distractions, and only with my thoughts.

My mission was to drag my emotional baggage up a Galician hill, and I followed it with a strong motivation. After all, I wanted to learn something big about myself.

In my experience, the Camino gives you something back, but you also need to invest in it in terms of mindset and focus. I, physicist, brought my laser focus and ended up suffering these days. There are other, gentler ways of self-discovery but I came to do something difficult this time. Spiritual Camino, here I come!

The first person that I met in my albergue around 6 am was, of course, my favorite pilgrim Ester. She was in the bathroom when I wanted to use it, ehhh. I didn’t expect anyone to be awake so early. Why was I awake so early, I, Morgenmuffel? (Thank you, German, for this wonderful word describing a person who is grumpy in the mornings). My plan was to start walking as soon as possible to avoid the afternoon heat. This was definitely a great idea and it worked well. Unfortunately, by waking up early I didn’t manage to avoid crowds.

I had breakfast at a nearby bar and started walking with my torch into a forest. I made an effort to be friendlier to strangers and asked them about their walk, until I realized that I really didn’t care. I got annoyed by the crowd again and I suddenly felt the urge to race people up the hill just to be alone for a while. Faster and more athletic pilgrims passed me, the slower ones were left behind, so I achieved what I desperately needed – a peaceful dawn on the top of the hill. As I continued my walk, a song popped up in my head when I was thinking about Ester who surprised me in the bathroom:

Since the forest was empty now, I started singing aloud. What a great marching song 😁! The sunrise came when I was walking over a beautiful stone bridge, having many kilometers in my feet already. I joined the pilgrim train until Pontevedra, my destination for the day.

The Camino started to feel like a local sports event – with coffee stands at random places in the forest, souvenir shops, and people who looked like they came for a leisurely stroll. Instead of avoiding, I tried embracing this way of pilgrimage and stopped for a cup of tea.

I shared a nice conversation with a Portuguese man, and later he asked me if we could walk together. I politely refused and continued on my own.

There is one type of souvenir shop that attracts me like a moth to the flame – a handmade jewelry. Since I lost my Camino earrings on the first night, I made space for something new. I was very happy to adopt a new pair, that came together with random jokes! The guy who was selling them tried to convince me that as a physicist I could make a bomb. The first idea that came to my mind was sodium and water, and he seemed inspired. His good mood was contagious and spread into the pilgrim train.

I shed a tear from the beauty here and there, I just felt happy to be out in nature. I reached Pontevedra at 12:30, well before the crazy heat, and just in time for a nap. I really worried about the heat the next day, because I was about to climb 500 m elevation. Being myself, I tend to overprepare, so I bought an umbrella with UV protection just in case. If I take care of my body, my mind can deep dive into whatever is needed. Whatever that was, the anxiety slowly started creeping in.

To calm down a bit, I treated myself with a plate of zamburiñas and a glass of tinto de verano. Everything was ready for the next big day. I asked many people in the hostel if they wanted to join Alessandra, Tiberio and I in our house tomorrow. I didn’t find anyone, because majority of people continued their way on the Central Camino, not the Spiritual. One couple planned to take a taxi to bypass the mountain and invited me to join them. No thanks, and I hope not to see you again.

In the evening, I met Kathy and Diane for a drink in their parador to celebrate Diane’s birthday. We toasted to our friendship and the personal journey I was about to undertake. We would meet again in Santiago in a couple of days.

Tomorrow I would officially start the Spiritual Camino.

The anxiety infused into my dreams and left me feeling tired and emotionally unprepared for the journey.  Leaving Pontevedra, little floor lights guided me on the Way. The moon was very red, very strange. I jumped on the pilgrim train for a while, then our paths finally split. The Spiritual way was empty and locals did not seem to pay any attention to pilgrims. I picked a brisk tempo, because I felt very impatient for something to happen. Something did happen – my right foot sent me some pain into my path.  I had already experienced the same pain earlier this Camino (plantar fascia?). My first solution to the problem was to reshuffle my physical baggage. I repacked three times, spreading my stuff on the ground in pitch black locations. Since I added a new item, the umbrella, I blamed it for messing up my carefully acquired balance. I laid it down horizontally in the end, but I still felt uncomfortable with my backpack. As I kept walking, a surprising thought caught me off guard: “What if my physical discomfort is really psychological?”

Yes, indeed. It was the anxiety about the journey that I was experiencing as a physical pain. As soon as I realized this, the backpack stopped feeling uncomfortable and the foot pain was improving.

The darkness turned into a very gloomy day, with a red sun scattered behind a gray haze. I texted with Kathy and she shared the news about forest fires in Portugal. This also explained the red moon. I’ve never seen anything like this before, and even though it indicated destruction, I found it fascinating.

Just like the sun, I felt something burning inside hidden by protective layers. Somewhere in the beautiful Galician countryside, my emotional baggage started to unpack itself. My PhD burnout was a very traumatic experience, and I thought about people who emotionally abused me in my most vulnerable state. Was I the victim, or did I hurt myself on purpose? Unfortunately, I could not answer this question but thinking about those times left me shaken. My emotional baggage felt heavier today and could have irritated my foot, or was it just a lack of rest? It’s scientifically proven that emotional distress can cause muscle tension, headaches and increased inflammation. Looked like I still had a lot to learn about reading signs of my body.

It was time for some self-care in Combarro. Instead of exploring narrow cobblestone streets, I took a 1-h break in a bar overlooking a muddy bay. I got some food, Fanta and decided to leave my new umbrella behind. I was so well prepared for the heat that didn’t happen in the end. The sun was scattered by a layer of dust and smoke particles and the temperature was very pleasant. The time had come to finally conquer the hill.

My foot thanked me for the good rest and we started climbing with small steps. The views were surreal – an orange-grey sky over the historic town. I was greeted by many cats and goats. And guess who I met for the third time today? Ester and her husband. I tried to avoid them as much as possible, but I always greeted them politely and supported them on the uphill journey. We were in this together. To my surprise, they turned out to be supportive and motivational as well! The hill was not that difficult in the end and I arrived at our country house at around 1:30 pm.

Wow, what an amazing place! If I remember correctly, it had 5-6 bedrooms, a salon with a billiard table, a small pool outside and an hórreo. The entire house normally costs 250 EUR/night, but Alessandra made a deal with the owner and we would pay only 30 EUR/person. Alessandra and Tiberio arrived one hour later than me, then we waited for the owner.

We were rewarded by true Spanish hospitality from an old lady and her granddaughter Alma. She brought us tarta de Santiago for breakfast as a welcoming gift.

When we mentioned that there was nothing to eat for dinner anywhere around, she had an idea. She found a menu from a restaurant selling raciones (portions) and went to pick up our food by car! The portions were giant and none of us could finish them.

It had been a difficult day, but also short. This means that I had time to properly relax by having a nap, a swim and funny discussions with Alessandra and Tiberio. So glad to get to know them! I thought about how dramatically the Camino had changed for me in the past days. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. I was right where I wanted to be, carving new paths into my mind.